Kindness

It's hard to come by and when it does you're almost floored. Even from someone you know is wonderful and sweet and caring - when the time comes that they do you a favor, it feels weird. Not because you're surprised by the kindness, but the thought of it being shown to you in the most genuine and sincere way possible.


I am the worst singer you have ever heard in your life. I cant hold a note to save my life unless I'm doing it in some weird ass voice that makes me sound like an idiot. My social skills seem to have transferred to my music - when I act like a total idiot I become confident. Drop that goof-ball-façade and I am really awkward and uncomfortable. Behaving like the dumbass has become somewhat of a safety net for me, and when I sing, I do so in the weirdest most ridiculous voice I can possibly think of. This makes people laugh and lightens the mood which in turn makes me laugh and loosen up (which is the very same in social situations).


Today an amazing friend of mine has helped me take steps toward being comfortable with my singing voice - the real one, not the Stewey/old man/hillbilly/whatever else I can pull out of my ass impression. I have a test tomorrow in my preliminary keyboard class in which I have to accompany myself on piano while I sing two Beatles tunes.

When my prof dropped this bombshell on us I thought I was going to throw up. I sang at my last test and it didn't go well at all. It was seriously horrible. The thought of doing this again and for now TWO different songs is terrifying.


Queue SUPER MEGAN!!!!!!!!


We started singing and playing together and after a while, she faded out and let me sing. Then she would fade back in and out and after a while she just stopped all together and let me play and sing on my own! I couldn't believe it! Me, SINGING AND PLAYING ON MY OWN SUCESSFULLY!!!!!
She helped me work through a lot of anxiety and insecurities that I never knew I could get through, and I am forever grateful for that. I have realised that this is much like the body accepting and self acceptance that I had to learn when I started recovering.


I had to get used to the fact that this is the body I have, so rather than hating it I might as well put it to good use. Rather than hating the person that I am, I might as well put myself to good use. This goes for singing too. No one likes their voice, and everyone at one point or another is nervous about singing. This is the voice I have, so I might as well put it to good use! Learning to accept my voice for what it is will be hard if it's even half as difficult as learning to accept my body was (and truth be told, still is). If I can learn to accept my body though, I doubt there's anything I can't learn to do! And, with the help of my amazing friend kick starting the process, I am pretty excited for this now!