Sick

I caught a cold :(


I have no energy to do anything at all. This is the most productive thing I've done all day. On the plus side, it's reading week so this cold couldn't have had better timing!


On the other hand - there is never a good time when ED is involved. Lately he is loving this - more amo!!!

"You haven't gone to the gym in how long?!?!" "Sure, keep eating because it will help fight the cold - or keep telling yourself that fatass..." "You can't even do work right now - you are so worthless! How hard is it to do some homework?? Or practice??" "Lazy piece of shit!"


It certainly doesn't help me feel any better...


I've been struggling with deciding on a career. I don't think I'm cut out for what I'm currently majoring in, but I'm not sure about what I thought I wanted to instead. I have been thinking about nutrition - but I don't know if that's just ED wanting to stick around or if it's what I really want to do. Will it be fulfilling and worth wile? Will it be worth the stress I'm feeling now? Will I like it? Will I have the money to tack on a few extra years of university?


UGH there are too many things to consider and stress about. I honestly am convinced that's how I got sick. I was losing sleep and not eating well because I was so busy with school and worrying. These combined was the perfect recipe for a cold.


The worst think is that I don't have the energy to cook healthy meals - but that's what my body needs right now! All I want to do is sleep all day long, but I need to be nourishing my body. Queue ED:

"No, this is great!! Just go with it and stay in bed!!" "You don't have the energy to stuff your face - that's a blessing, not a bad thing!!" "Take this opportunity to lose some of the weight you've managed to pack on!!" "If you aren't going to the gym, you definitely don't need to be eating!!" 


Someone came to my school the other day and did a presentation about different kinds of patients she works with in music therapy - one of them was trauma patients. I've never dealt with a trauma, but the idea of getting in touch with yourself resonated with me. This is a clear indication that I've been so busy worrying about school that I have neglected this for some time. Listening to her talk about how these patients opened up about how they are feeling through pictures really puled some heart strings.


I think I might do this. I plan on illustrating what an eating disorder is like - or at least attempting to. The finished product will be posted at some point. I'm not sure when that will be, but at some point.