Seriously, it's so true. I can't put in words how much these people mean to me. The last few days I have received an overwhelming amount of support that I will be forever grateful for. It makes me feel so much less lonely; like someone cares.
Yet another example of a "DO" when dealing with a loved one struggling with an ED. Taking a few seconds out of your day to text/e-mail/meet up with this person can mean the absolute world to them. I was being surrounded by a helplessness that inevitably joins ED when he decides to pay a visit. It can be so suffocating and exhausting to think that your life is always going to be shit and there's nothing you can do about it, and no one you can talk to about it. By taking the few seconds out to send a text saying "hey, I'm here for you" you can do so much for your loved one. This challenges the feelings of worthlessness that I feel and gives me amo to fight back at ED with. Now I have solid evidence and tangible facts to prove that I'm not insignificant and that people do care about me. This can make a world of difference for someone in my position - you probably don't realise just how much of a difference it actually makes, but we are so grateful it.
I went to see my counsellor today. I was really appreciative of how quickly I was able to get an appointment with her, and it was great to see her again (although under different circumstances it would probably have been much better). She was helpful as usual and helped me to think about some things from a different perspective. Together we decided that making a meal plan and doing some therapy exercises would be best right now. I felt so much better after talking to her that I was able to get a sandwich from the SUB after the appointment. It was tough and I definitely felt some anxiety, particularly after eating it but I knew I needed the nutrients. If I'm going to be preaching to clients about how important food is, I can't turn around and be engaging in these disordered behaviours (a point that my counsellor made mention of). It makes so much sense though - I can't exactly be a nutritionist that routinely starves herself.....that's like having a dentist with crappy teeth - it just doesn't work.
Now that I have had some nutrients I'm in that part way between being healthy and feeling like shit. This happens every time I start eating again where I feel lightheaded after I move my head. It isn't like images shift or anything - my head just feels weird. I couldn't tell you why or how hat happens, but it only occurs for a few days if I keep up my food intake and goes away after that.
Now I am in the midst of creating a meal plan for the week. This will be a routine for a while - I need to make sure that I give my body all of the nutrients I had been depriving it of for a while now. I need to get back in the habit of eating well and nourishing my body. I will also be doing a lot more journaling and self caring. I have been a bitch to my body for the last couple of weeks and it's time to stop. If it weren't for my amazing friends and wonderful counsellor I wouldn't have been able to come to this conclusion on my own. I'm glad I came to it sooner than later!
I am so thankful for my support system I can't put it in words. I don't think they will ever truly know how much they mean to me and how much they have helped me. I don't know if anything I could do would ever show them that but I will certainly try because I'm one lucky girl :)
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