Untitled

I was reading a new members post in an ED recovery support group I joined online. She stated "I wish I could be as small as I feel." This really resonated with me because it makes so much sense, and pretty accurately describes how I felt a lot.


I felt tiny all the time. I felt - and still often feel - insignificant. Like a waste of space and flesh and air. I felt like an insect in a world of magnificent other creatures and species; the weed in a beautiful garden of vibrant flowers. I felt like a nuisance to everyone. Why does this person deserve to live among hard working, beautiful, and productive people while she contributes nothing? Why does this ugly person deserve to breathe the same air that these beautiful, more important people breathe?


I wished that I could actually shrink to the size of an insect and disappear, and do everyone a favor. I wondered if people didn't have to look at me or see me, I wouldn't be such a burden. I could leave the bigger world of people who were so much better than me; so much more deserving than I was and disappear into a deep dark tiny hole never to be bothered by - or be a bother to - anyone.


Some days I still feel like this.... ok most days, but it does get better. People who feel this way should know that you aren't worthless. You aren't pointless and you are NOT a waste of space. Whenever you think these things, think to yourself - would I ever say this to anyone else? I would be willing to bet money on the fact that you would not ever say something like that to someone else. You are no different from those other people. You are just as important and just as deserving. Please don't ever forget that.