It's that time of year again. Time to get out the shorts and bathing suit; for most people, that is. I wouldn't be caught dead in a swim suit. It's just not happening. Shorts on the other hand are slightly more possible with a little encouragement from my wonderful siblings.
This will be the second year wearing shorts since I was a little kid. Before last year it had been literally years since I had worn a pair of shorts. I think I was in high school phys ed, and that was because I had to, and they were soccer shorts so I could cover up as much as I possibly could - I was 14 tops. The only exception was when we went to Florida the next year for obvious reasons. Last year I was 20 before I even considered wearing them again.
So far I have worn shorts once - and it was so uncomfortable. I didn't even leave the house. All I could think was ED's voice screaming "MMOOOOOOO!!!!!!!" It was awful. Am I stalling to wearing them again? Yes. It scares the bejesus out of me.
The BBQ went well. I was really nervous at first but then I felt a bit better as the lunch hour went on. I could hear ED screaming at me the whole god damn time; "This is why your pants are so tight you fat ass!!" "That's it, stuff your face..." I just kept thinking about all of the good nutrients that I was getting from the food - carbs (which are GOOD FOR YOU), protein, iron. Near the end of the lunch break I was able to concentrate a bit better, and could drown ED's voice out at least a little.
The shorts mountain of a challenge is going to be a pain in the ass just like last year was. I cried, I changed into pants sometimes, I was uncomfortable. More importantly however, I was learning to do what is best for my body. If it is too hot I need to put on shorts to cool down; not continue hiding under layers. I have considerably more padding now since starting recovery, so wearing a sweater and pants during 35 degree weather just isn't going to fly.
There will be plenty more entries about this as it is a HUGE issue for me and a mountain of a fear to conquer.
Till next time
Steph
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